Canes
My Parent Refuses to Use a Cane: How to Help Without a Fight
Why so many parents resist using a cane, and practical ways to help them get comfortable with one.
It's one of the most common things we hear from adult children: "My mom needs a cane, but she refuses because it makes her feel old." If that sounds familiar, you're not alone, and there are ways to help that don't turn into an argument.
Why parents resist using a cane
For most people the objection isn't about the cane. It's about what the cane seems to say: that they're getting older, losing independence or becoming someone who needs help. Some worry about being treated differently. Others have only ever seen grey hospital canes and can't picture themselves with one. Understanding which of these is behind the "no" is the first step.
What helps
Lead with independence, not fear
A lecture about falls tends to make people dig in. Talk instead about what a cane makes possible: longer walks, trips, gardening, keeping up with the grandkids. A cane is a tool that keeps them doing what they love.
Let them choose the cane
People are far more likely to use something they picked themselves. Show them canes that look nothing like medical equipment: a classic wood cane, sleek carbon fiber, a bold designer print or a cane in their favorite team's colors from our collegiate collection. Our guide to stylish canes that don't look medical is a good place to browse together.
Start with specific situations
"Just bring it on the trip" or "just use it on the trail" is an easier yes than "use it all the time." A folding cane that tucks into a bag or a walking staff for outdoor walks can be a good first step.
Make sure it fits
A cane that's the wrong length is uncomfortable, and an uncomfortable cane ends up in the closet. Measure from the crease of the wrist to the floor while they wear their everyday shoes, or choose an adjustable cane. See our sizing guide.
Bring in a professional
Sometimes a parent will take advice from a doctor or physical therapist that they won't take from their kids. A therapist can also check whether a cane, a quad cane or a walker is the right fit and teach them to use it properly.
Be patient
Getting comfortable with a cane takes time. Notice and appreciate when they use it, and avoid "I told you so" moments.
When to push harder
About one in four adults age 65 and older reports a fall each year, according to the CDC. If your parent has already fallen, has had near-misses, or feels dizzy or unsteady, encourage them to talk to their doctor soon. That conversation matters more than any cane.
